Yay, so I am back! I wasn’t sure if I’d have any more stories worthy of True Story Tuesday, but my mom came through for me and here I am!
Most of you may have already met my mom in my past TST posts. If not you can go catch up with this goofy lady FULL of blogging material in these posts:
Could My Dad Actually Be Having An Affair?
Where Did These Come From?
The Strange Man In The Picture.
Now, before I tell my story today I have a disclaimer. First – this is a TRUE STORY, so I’m not making it up and trying to be insensitive to anyone out there. Nope. This is real stuff people. I am also not taking lightly the fact that over this past decade that our country, as well as others, have experienced terrible terrorist attacks. I know for a fact that if the material you are about to read was in a movie with today’s biggest comedian actors and actresses, you’d sit, watch, laugh, eat popcorn and drink your pop not thinking twice about it – so read this story knowing the innocence behind it all!
Okay! Onto the story about my parents almost shutting down Reagan International Airport. Hopefully I get all the facts straight in this because as my mom was relaying to me what had happened, I was laughing so hard I might not have caught everything. So, I will do my very best to get it right.
Almost closing down an International Airport may seem like a big undertaking, but when it comes to my family – it’s just a part of our day to day activity. Almost.
Back in September 2009 my parents traveled to Washington D.C. for a week. Being pretty active in the political arena and the fact that my dad is a HUGE history buff – this was a fun week for them. They were typical tourists. You know – cameras, video recorders, visiting all the landmarks. And it was also a milestone for my mom because until this day in September 2009 – it had been 20 years since she had last flown on an airplane. Big milestone! So, if you can imagine, my mom’s traveling mindset is pre 9/11.
So, fast forward to them packing up and getting ready to come back home. As they are packing, my mom asks my dad in what bag she should put one of the souvenirs they bought for my nephew at George Washington’s gift shop. He told her to put it in the bag they were checking in. Well, typical to a female, her brain shifted over to, ‘What if they check the bag? They’ll end up going through all my underwear!” Obviously, nobody who is sane wants strange men and women going through your unmentionables, touching them and looking at them – so my mom opted to put the gift in her carry on bag. She never mentioned to my dad she did this. Mistake.
So, fast forward to the airport. They are in the security lines and she puts her bag on the belt. It’s making it’s way through the little x-ray part of the contraption and the man watching the screen stops the belt. He just stares at the screen. Without even looking away, he signals for someone else to come over. This guys comes over and just stares at the screen too. They call one more person over and now there are three adult men staring at this monitor. One of them goes over, closes the security line down, directs all the people to the other lanes and they take my parents into the security area by the lane and they are told to sit on a bench while some large lady is told to watch over them. You know, a lady you don’t want to mess with who can break your bones by looking at you a certain way.
At this time they call over a whole team of security people to stare at the monitor. They all seemed shocked.
Yes. All this over my mom’s carry on bag.
My mom knew exactly what they were looking at. She decided to speak up.
“What you are looking at is a souvenir from the George Washington gift shop.”
To her credit, they were leaving Washington D.C. where tourism is HUGE and I’m sure many people go through that airport with tons of these said souvenirs. Just not in their carry on bags. But, I digress.
Big, bad security lady tells my mom to stop talking.
My dad, a tad irritated, says to my mom:
“I told you to put that in the suitcase.”
My mom’s response still focuses on her underwear.
“I didn’t want anyone going through my underwear.”
When it comes to our unmentionables and the privacy and modesty we have with them, females don’t always act rationally.
Finally, they open the bag and take out the said object. My mom said they had this ‘thing’ right at their noses, looking it over carefully, inspecting it slowly and carefully. When one person was done they would pass it to the next person and they would go through the same slow process. Down the line of men.
All the other travelers could see all this going on. I’m sure they were praying really hard, “Lord, please don’t let me sit by them on the plane.”
What were they looking at?
Oh wait, you don’t have x-ray eyes. This was inside the box.
Yes, a replica gun from George Washington’s day. And when I say replica, I mean replica. When I saw this gun, I laughed because it was OBVIOUS that it wasn’t a real gun. When you look down the barrel, after about 3/4”, it is solid. Filled. No way a bullet could come out of that sucker.
But, after all, we are post 9/11 and we have to be careful. Of course they’re going to check this out – and I’m glad they did. Of course any terrorist would try to convince the security folk that it ‘isn’t real’. I mean, really. Why would they believe my mom when she tried to tell them it was from the George Washington gift shop? Would you believe this lady?
It’s not over just yet, though. So, a security guy came over and now wants all my parent’s information. Name. Address. Social Security numbers. The whole shabang. So, they give them their info, but now we have another problem. The name on my dad’s driver’s license does not match the name on his plane ticket. Nice.
So, he had to explain that when he was younger he legally changed his name to P________ A_________, Jr. But, he still goes by his birth name, R_______ A_________. Your names have to match in order to get through the airport.
Funny how my dad had made it through DIA and RIA without this being caught before! So, not only do we have a toy gun in the carry one, but the names don’t match up on the tickets. Not turning out to be a good day!
After about 45 minutes of inspecting this weapon and checking out my parents and seeing that they are harmless people, the security team lightened up a bit – even telling my dad to go easy on my mom, they had to put the souvenir in the suitcase that was being checked in – and my parents, aka Bonnie and Clyde, were allowed to get on the plane and come back home to Colorado.
I know, I know. I told my mom – even if it wasn’t real, it still is a ‘gun’ and, DUH you don’t take those on planes anymore :o) She said it never occurred to her that if she was so concerned with people going through her underwear that she could have put the little dainties in the carry on instead of the gun. Yea – never occurred to my mom to do that.
Amazing that the profile of a potential terrorist almost changed that day. You had better watch out for people like this:
She then mentioned that had that happened post underwear bomber, her and my dad would have been arrested and thrown in jail AND they would have been all over the news like the White House party crashers.
In jail? All over the news? My mind wandered and suddenly I realized (and I might have said it out loud) - “Yes, but HAD that happened, think of how many followers I might have gained on my blog!!!” A smile came to my face when I realized all the possibilities this would have held. Ahhhhh….
Doh ! That wasn’t nice. Trading my parents for more bloggy friends. Well, I would have visited them in jail.
All this commotion over this:
Only in my family. Really. I love my mom. God bless her heart for not wanting people to go through her undies. She probably never known if they had, but that isn’t the point! I think she learned her lesson for next time:
Pack all guns, real or not, in the bag being checked in! It will save a lot of time!
Read my quote below. It’s a tad long, but an eye opener. While they are patting down senior citizens that can barely walk with their walker through the airport (not referring to my parents) and spending close to an hour having 10 men look at and investigate a mini replica gun, we are actually letting real people of danger right onto our planes!
Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad they checked this out. Does make you feel some what safe. But what about all the others that they are warned about that are passing right through security – without a blink of an eye - all so they aren’t slapped with discrimination law suits.
Anyhoodle….There you go! Another classic mom story with my dad as an innocent bystander. My very own Bonnie and Clyde!
(my mom holding the weapon that almost shut down Reagan International Airport!)
For more True Story Tuesday posts, check out Once Upon A Miracle! Thanks for stopping in and reading this today!
remember to:
live.laugh.love.and.celebrate.life.
"If we can't catch a Nigerian with a powerful explosive powder in his oddly feminine-looking underpants and a syringe full of acid, a man whose own father had alerted the U.S. Embassy in Nigeria, a traveler whose ticket was paid for in cash and who didn't check bags, whose visa renewal had been denied by the British, who had studied Arabic in Al Qaeda sanctuary Yemen, whose name was on a counterterrorism watch list, who can we catch? We are headed toward the moment when screeners will watch watch-listers sashay through while we have to come to the airport in hospital gowns, flapping open in the back."
Maureen Dowd
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